Among all things Oglethorpe are the strange relationships I have with some of my guy friends who I feel are really a part of my family, I truly feel like they are my brothers. Well problems arise in those friendships just like they do in any other sort of relationship, but the problems that are not really that big throw salt in one of my wounds--my own biological brother refusing to have anything to do with me. i understand more than most anybody how issues here aren't really that big of a deal despite the fact that I still feel the burn of salt in a much deeper wound that they didn't cause. Thus, I can't help feeling the hurt as a result of problems here that isn't quite the anyone's fault.
If you can't tell, I really miss my brother tonight. I wrote him a note in the journal I keep to tell him important things with the hopes that one day he'll read it and know he is and was loved. Though, I'm not sure if it would be painful for him to read it...I may not give it to him if I decided it would be painful for him....not that I really do know what is painful for him. I only write him about once a month when it is around the time where he and I would normally talk. Tonight I've tried to spend time with one of my brothers here and to think about the brotherly affection of others here and it's helped, though they're not Michael. What is worse is that I'm letting my hurt with Michael affect my relationship with a brotherly figure here and because I don't quite know how to resolve things with Michael, I don't know how to resolve things here. I know I'm hurting people and I don't know how to not and I don't think I like that.
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