I am suppossed to be studying for a midterm tomorrow, but I am aware of the fact that you cannot memorize things very well when you have a lot of cortisol in your blood....
I feel horrible. I have let many people down and have caused a huge liability risk. I haven't been the person I and people I love expect me to be. I can't change the past, but I can't woman-up and claim responsibility and the consequences for my actions. I can learn from my mistakes and hope that others are able to learn from them too. I hope that eventually I can earn back the respect I loss for myself and the respect others loss for me.
I am very excited for tomorrow night, nervous and scared, but mostly excited, although sometimes I get confused over whether or not I am feeling anxiety or excitement... I don't know if I am doing the right thing or if I'm over analyzing, or what. I'm not even sure I can discern what is right right now. But Delaney and I should have fun at the comedy show:) I've never been to a comedy show before, but I'm sure it will be amusing. I'm also very confident Delaney will have fun watching me be a little crazy--it will give her things to tease me about which she feels a shortage for, at least if you ask her.
I've lost my planner, and that is a really big problem. I'm upset with myself for a lot of things right now, but not being able to find my planner is about #1.....
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